Archive for May, 2005
Birthday Blues
Posted on: 22nd of May 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions

My birthday is closing in once again. Every year I find myself pondering over how old I’m getting. Twenty two. I cannot believe I’m already turning 22!

Ok, I’ve been aware for some time that I am actually getting old. A handful of my friends are already out in the real world, settling into their own respective careers. There are some that have moved out of their parents’ house and have started living on their own. There are also those who have marched down the aisle into married-hood.

I was tossing and turning in bed last night. I was restless and I couldn’t get myself to sleep. I found myself pondering over what the future would be like: all the responsibiities that I’ll be faced with. I have to admit that it frightens me a little. What if I things don’t turn out the way I imagine and wish them to be? What if I suddenly wake up and realize that all I ever worked for is not what I really want in life?

Then I realized, there are times when I really do worry too much! I should just let things happen for themselves. Let things fall into place. If they don’t turn out the way I planned, then that’s fine. It won’t be the end of the world. I’ll just have to deal with it then. I should just savour and enjoy my life right now, because I’m confident that I will get through whatever life-bump hits me along the way. Besides, I’ve always believed that He doesn’t burden us with problems we cannot handle. =)

My Mother
Posted on: 10th of May 2005 | Under: Life & Love

I have the biggest nagger as a mom.

She complains and gets irritated over the smallest things. She plagues me with words of torment, making me wish I had the power to disappear with a snap of a finger. She pesters me and will continue bickering until she gets me doing what she wants. She gets cross with me for staying up late and hounds me with a gazillion scolding until I get my butt in bed.

Yes, yes, my mom gets on my nerves, but time has made me realize that she simply has the right to be all that annoying.

Without her nagging and constant demanding, I wouldn’t be who I am now. Her, sometimes irritating, ways have moulded me into the person that I can be proud of. I wouldn’t have learned to be passionate in my everyday undertakings if it weren’t for her. She has taught me discipline and has instilled in me so many wonderful things. She has made me realize and believe that mothers do know best… they just sometimes make it known in an undesirable way.

Mothers are supposed to be annoying. Mothers are supposed to nag us. If you think about it, that’s actually just their way of guiding us and showing us they care. =)

A belated happy mother’s day to my mom. I love you! ^_,~;;

I Am Human
Posted on: 5th of May 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions

I am fragile.

It’s a fact that I’ve known pretty much the entire of my almost-22 years of existence. Yes, the girl who claims herself to be the most optimistic person alive, worries and gets affected easily with what others say about her.

I worry. I cry. I get hurt.

What others say or do to me may stir and affect me more than anyone can imagine. Trickles of tears running down my face can quickly replace a happy look. A cry baby, that’s what I’ve always been. I find my feelings getting hurt, even by the most petty and mundane things. Admittedly, I am sensitive towards almost everything.

I have blinded those around me by hiding behind a mask of smiles. I may always seem jolly and perky, but a lot of times I’m really just forced to put on a carefree aura just to make everyone think that I’m okay. I fool people with my smiles and bouts of laughter, just so they won’t see how deeply hurt and bruised I am. Behind everything, what I am is just a girl who often sinks into a deep hole of depression. A hole so deep that sometimes it is a wonder how I would manage to lift myself out of it.

People perceive me as someone strong. Someone who’s always ready to take on any life bump or challenge with open arms. Yes, I can claim that I am just that, but before the optimism rubs in on me, I worry and become afraid. Only a handful of people know how weak I am. Only a handful know that before I become the strong person that everyone sees me as, I must be assured of warmth and security that everything will be okay. It is no wonder that I find myself clinging on to people around me: my strength would never be built without their help.

I am fragile and I am weak. I seek the help of others to build my inner strength. I know that’s not necessarily bad. It simply proves one thing – I am human.

New Layout
Posted on: 4th of May 2005 | Under: Geek Talk

Testing, testing!

So I finally got myself to fiddle around photoshop, and lookie, I have a new layout! :) I just re-installed Greymatter too, so that should motivate me to actually post in here. Hopefully, that is. I’ve neglected this domain of mine way too long. It’s about time that I actually make some effort in keeping myself active in here!

There’s no new content. Just the same old domain infos, which I’m just too lazy to change at the moment. I have yet to fix the archives either. Will do that as soon as I get some sleep. ^^;;