Posted on: 4th of November 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
Age is just a number, they say. But, why is it that at 22, the reality of being old is already sinking into my system?
Earlier this evening I found out that a friend just gave birth. The other day I found out that my cousin’s wife gave birth too. In addition to those I have another friend who gave birth 2 months ago and another one who’s about to give birth next month. I practically grew up with these people and the news of them already starting their own families slapped me hard on the face. A definite wake up call that we have indeed grown up.
I was reading through the friendster blog of someone I used to babysit not so long ago. She was only a year old when I would play and take care of her. It was all about toys, laughing and playing with her. Now she’s about 11 years old and all she seems to be blogging and talking about is boys. It’s just a bit surprising at how fast time flies. One day it’s about barbie dolls and the next it’s already about boys.
I, myself have definitely grown up. Gone are the days when I would play cubby house with my sister. Gone are the days when I would spend hours on the phone with my friends talking about nothing but boys. Gone are the days when all I ever had to worry about was how to impress boys. Yes, those days are gone.
I’m now at the age where what matters is how to pursue a career that will be the pillar of my future. I’m now at the age where my future family is something that’s already ringing in my ears.
In a few years time, I know I will fall into deep thought about my life again. I won’t be 22 by that time anymore, but I do hope that I’ll be happy and successful in what I am doing. I am happy where I am right now and I just hope that my happiness will be doubled when that time comes. =)
Posted on: 30th of June 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
I always beam with optimism in everything that I do. I always look at the brighter side of things and never stop hoping for a better outcome. But, recently I found a sole issue that left the pessimism in me rise.
Yes, that issue is none other than - The Philippine Government.
I am truly appalled at the recent events going on in the government. The president making an apology to the Filipino people and admitting her faults (faults which are actually pretty much unclear right now, which makes everything more confusing!). Different crowds have sprung up protesting for PGMA to resign and frankly, I don’t even know where I stand anymore. I, along with millions of other Filipinos, have less, if not completely lost, trust in the president. Her actions this past week has been very much disappointing. I am not happy with her being president, but, I would not be entirely happy if she resigns (or is impeached) either. Why? Because I just don’t see anyone fit and qualified enough to uplift our country from the rut.
They’re all the same. Each one of them. Elect another for presidency and for sure, the cycle will just repeat itself. Every single one of them has an unbelievable crave for power. Power, power, power. That’s what they all want. They’re all out to bite each other’s heads off, wanting to grab the bigger slice of the cake.
They should all just quit stabbing each other with blames. They should all just quit grilling each other and quit craving for power. Nohing will happen to our country if they continue being the selfless twits that they are.
They should all forget the gaps between them and start working together. Hand-in-hand. If everyone would just stop being so greedy and actually work hand-in-hand, everything would surely work out. Forget competition. Forget being on top. Forget power. All that just makes the country suffer even more.
I have lost all hope in the Philippine government. I cannot see a bright future ahead of us. The only time I will be satisfied and will start rejoicing is when I finally see everyone seated down together, forgetting all their greediness and working as one. But, my goodness, a miracle must first take place for that to happen!
Goodluck to us!
Posted on: 13th of June 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
Each one of us live our lives, hoping that one day we will feel contented. We all crave to live a meaningful life. A life that, even if we’ve been bruised a thousands times, we still find healing and feel true happiness and love in those around us.
I was looking through my old photos, diaries and scrapbooks yesterday and I could not help the big smile left plastered on my face. I found myself feeling overjoyed because looking back at my past, I realized that I have certainly lived a meaningful life.
I have laughed ’til I cried. I have felt the love, respect and acceptance of those around me. I have danced the night away. I have travelled, visited and have set foot on a handful of beautiful places. I have made friends more than the number of stars I can count in the sky. I have made a hundred and one mistakes, but bravely faced each one to right the wrongs. I have seen the beauty of nature. I have seen the beauty of God’s works. I have been hurt and have cried ’til there were no more tears. I have stood up and have fought for what I believed was right. I have been overly depressed and have intoxicated myself with alcohol to ease the pain. I have given so much love, not just to those around me, but to myself as well. I have been a friend and have reached out to those who were in need of my hand or shoulder. I have overworked myself, but found reward in the happiness of the results. I have accepted God in my life and have served him. I have failed and have cursed life, but always found the true beauty of it afterwards.
I have lived. I have felt contentment. I am happy. I am whole.
So, if I die tomorrow I will not be disappointed. I know that my life was a meaningful one: I have lived and have loved to the best of my abilities. ^^;;
Posted on: 5th of June 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
I value friendship. I value every single person that comes into my life.
I have quite a number of friends, most of which are spread all over the world. I only really have a handful close ones who are within reach by car. That is pretty much the disadvantage of always moving around. You gather friends from every single place you live in, become extremely close and chummy with a crowd, then find out that you have to leave and part ways just when you feel that everything’s perfect already.
Leaving friends behind is harder than one can really imagine. People have this notion that you get used to saying goodbye if you move to different places a lot. But, the truth to the matter is, it’s actually a lot harder each time.
You are plagued with depressing thoughts, wondering when you’ll have a normal life. Yes, you do make quite a lot of friends along the way. You value each and every one of them. But, there’s still nothing better than having a bunch of friends whom you can call your barkada. The ones you can run to any time of the day. The ones you can confide and spend time with, up until you’re old and graying.
I envy those people who have barkadas whom they’ve known pretty much their entire lives. Well, I do have several barkadas. The only problem is, I’d have to travel miles to reach them!
But, despite all that negative reflection, I am fond of making new friends and I believe I don’t have trouble in it either. In fact, having friends all over the world is a big PLUS. At least I have an excuse to travel and visit each one of them someday! XD haha!
All that pondering was actually brought about by a surprising call I had the other day. A close friend whom I haven’t heard from in years decided to give me a ring. I was instantly hyped up. Despite being sick, I jumped up from my bed the minute I heard her voice on the other line! We talked for a while and decided to meet up one of these days. =)
So yes, I guess there are some perks in having friends you’re not easily in reach with as well. The thrill of hearing from them after a period of time is always overwhelming. Plus, the meeting and catching up on eachother’s lives is an even bigger bonus! ^_,~;;
Posted on: 22nd of May 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
My birthday is closing in once again. Every year I find myself pondering over how old I’m getting. Twenty two. I cannot believe I’m already turning 22!
Ok, I’ve been aware for some time that I am actually getting old. A handful of my friends are already out in the real world, settling into their own respective careers. There are some that have moved out of their parents’ house and have started living on their own. There are also those who have marched down the aisle into married-hood.
I was tossing and turning in bed last night. I was restless and I couldn’t get myself to sleep. I found myself pondering over what the future would be like: all the responsibiities that I’ll be faced with. I have to admit that it frightens me a little. What if I things don’t turn out the way I imagine and wish them to be? What if I suddenly wake up and realize that all I ever worked for is not what I really want in life?
Then I realized, there are times when I really do worry too much! I should just let things happen for themselves. Let things fall into place. If they don’t turn out the way I planned, then that’s fine. It won’t be the end of the world. I’ll just have to deal with it then. I should just savour and enjoy my life right now, because I’m confident that I will get through whatever life-bump hits me along the way. Besides, I’ve always believed that He doesn’t burden us with problems we cannot handle. =)
Posted on: 5th of May 2005 | Under: Thoughts & Emotions
I am fragile.
It’s a fact that I’ve known pretty much the entire of my almost-22 years of existence. Yes, the girl who claims herself to be the most optimistic person alive, worries and gets affected easily with what others say about her.
I worry. I cry. I get hurt.
What others say or do to me may stir and affect me more than anyone can imagine. Trickles of tears running down my face can quickly replace a happy look. A cry baby, that’s what I’ve always been. I find my feelings getting hurt, even by the most petty and mundane things. Admittedly, I am sensitive towards almost everything.
I have blinded those around me by hiding behind a mask of smiles. I may always seem jolly and perky, but a lot of times I’m really just forced to put on a carefree aura just to make everyone think that I’m okay. I fool people with my smiles and bouts of laughter, just so they won’t see how deeply hurt and bruised I am. Behind everything, what I am is just a girl who often sinks into a deep hole of depression. A hole so deep that sometimes it is a wonder how I would manage to lift myself out of it.
People perceive me as someone strong. Someone who’s always ready to take on any life bump or challenge with open arms. Yes, I can claim that I am just that, but before the optimism rubs in on me, I worry and become afraid. Only a handful of people know how weak I am. Only a handful know that before I become the strong person that everyone sees me as, I must be assured of warmth and security that everything will be okay. It is no wonder that I find myself clinging on to people around me: my strength would never be built without their help.
I am fragile and I am weak. I seek the help of others to build my inner strength. I know that’s not necessarily bad. It simply proves one thing - I am human.
Anna. 25. 
